Want Another Therapist? Read This First!

First, what are some signs that it might be time to move on from your therapist? 

When you seek a therapist, what do you look for? Did you know that the better relationship you have with your therapist, the better outcome you will have? If you have a therapist and you feel indifferent about if you should continue with them, here are some tips below on what to look for.

4 Surefire Reasons You Should Change Your Therapist

Your therapist is unprofessional. Unprofessional behavior can look like your therapist frequently checking emails or their phone during your sessions. Also, if your therapist is routinely late for your sessions, doesn’t return calls, or cancels without prior notice, it is time for a new therapist. The client-therapist relationship is a professional relationship. This relationship is multifaceted; one of those facets is that it is a business relationship. At the end of the day, you are paying for therapy and should receive quality care and service.

Your therapist is unqualified. The truth is that all therapists are not the same. Therapists can differ in their level of experience, training, and specialization, to name a few. Sometimes during the therapy process, new issues come to the surface while addressing what initially brought you to therapy. Your current therapist may not be equipped to help you deal with this new issue.An example of this would be if you were initially seeing your therapist for anxiety, and during that process, you find that an issue of trauma has surfaced. Another example is that perhaps you’re having difficulty with your spouse or a family member; then it would be best to find a new therapist who specializes in treating the new presenting issue. This is especially true for matters related to family systems or relationships. Suppose you’re seeing someone for individual therapy and would like to begin working on a relational problem with your partner or family member. In that case, it is best to seek a new therapist who specializes in marriage and family therapy.

There are issues with boundaries. Therapists are people, too, as such issues with loose or violating boundaries can occur. If your therapist becomes too personal, using your sessions to talk about themselves or pushing their personal views (political, faith, etc.) on you, it’s time to get a new therapist. Another potential indication of boundary issues is if you don’t feel heard and seen by your therapist. This can look like your therapist lacking cultural humility concerning topics important to you and your experience. Feeling unheard or unseen can also look like your therapist telling you what to do in disguise of advice. Therapy is a process of self-discovery and growth with the assistance of a professional. Violations in the therapy relationship, like attempts to engage socially outside of the professional relationship (hang out, sexual/romantic relationship), should not only cause you to move on to a new therapist but should be reported to the appropriate state licensing boards.

You’ve made great progress or none at all. Another indication that it’s time to move on from your current therapist is if you’ve improved significantly since starting your wellness journey with your therapist. When working with a therapist, a goal is usually defined to determine what progress will look like. Progress in therapy can look different over time.  If your initial complaint that brought you to therapy is no longer significant (to where it is affecting your daily functioning), then it might mean it is time to end the therapy relationship. Likewise, if you have been working with a therapist for a period of time in which you haven’t seen any signs of improvement (despite your effort in/outside of sessions), then it is time to end the therapeutic relationship.

How To Communicate Your Concerns To Your Therapist

It’s worth sticking it out with your current therapist if you feel comfortable expressing your concerns and reasons for wanting to end the current relationship.  If you can express some of the things that might not be working currently with the service you’re receiving and that the therapist has the ability and willingness to address those needs, then it’s worth working through. If you’ve communicated your concerns or are uncomfortable being honest with your current therapist, it is time to move on to a new therapist.

The best way to end a patient-therapist relationship will partly depend on your agreement with the current therapist. It is common practice for clients and therapists to sign a client-therapist agreement. In that agreement, there’s an outline of the policies and practices for that therapist. If your therapist has indicated that written notice via text or email is appropriate for ending the relationship, then you can do so. The setting/nature of the therapy service that you’re receiving will also determine the best way to end that relationship. For example, outpatient/community mental health centers generally have an after-care process. While your relationship with a therapist is unlike any other,  it is professional, and there are formalities around it. It’s important to have closure in that relationship. This is also good practice for concluding other relationships you have in your life, so a final session, or possibly sessions depending on the therapist, is important.

How To End Your Relationship With Your Therapist

Is a text or email appropriate? Or do you prefer in-person/phone? Depends on the therapist’s policies. A text or email might be appropriate, but if it can be done in person or by phone, this is best.

Does that change depending on if they’re a long-time patient vs. someone you’ve only seen once or twice?  The ending process of the therapeutic relationship typically doesn’t change depending on the number of sessions. It all depends on the policies outlined in the beginning stages of your relationship with your therapist.

If you believe your current therapist isn’t a good fit for you, it’s best to make that known early. This gives you both an opportunity to address your concerns and to work through them if possible. It also saves you time if you determine that, ultimately your current therapist isn’t a good fit, and it creates an opportunity for you to know what will and won’t work for you and your next therapeutic relationship.

Final Thoughts

Finding a good therapist is about the right fit. Just as you would go shopping and maybe try on an assortment of clothing or shoes, it’s all about the right fit. You could see something online  (if you prefer to do online shopping), but once you receive it, try it on for a bit, and look at yourself in it, you determine that it’s not what’s best for you, although originally it seemed that way. This is also true for working with a therapist. It is best to schedule an initial consultation. Most therapists will offer a free phone consultation. The consultation allows you to determine if the therapist is right for you.

Before beginning with a therapist, find out the following:

• What is their therapy orientation?

• Do they specialize in the area that you’re seeking help in?
• Also, if there was something about your previous therapist that you particularly didn’t like, be sure to address that with the new therapist as you interview them during the consultation.
• Ask about their policies that are important to you (cancellation policies, termination of services, scheduling appointments).
• You can also ask your family and friends for possible referrals. It may be hard to find reviews because therapy is confidential, but you can receive a solid word-of-mouth recommendation
• Checking out the local associations and governing bodies in your state is also essential to verify that the clinician you see is licensed.

One of the mistakes that people often make on their wellness journey is the assumption that all therapists are the same or that if I’ve tried with one therapist and it was unsuccessful, therapy doesn’t work for me. In actuality, just as you would go for a second opinion if you were seeing a doctor, try a different nail salon after a disliked set, or maybe get a second opinion from another mechanic, the same is true if you find that you’ve had an unsuccessful experience with a therapist it is best to seek out a new therapist.

If you’re looking for a new therapist, follow the A Good Place For Help blog to learn more, or click the contact form to connect to a therapist today.