How to Support Someone Who Has Experienced Trauma

The American Psychological Association (APA) describes trauma as an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, sexual assault, or natural disaster. 

Trauma is a prevalent and very universal occurrence. One study noted that close to 90% of adults had experienced a traumatic event at some point. You or someone you know may have experienced a traumatic event. 

Some examples of traumatic events are 

• Natural disasters 
• Intimate partner violence (IPV) 
• Life-threatening illnesses 
• Loss/grief 
• Acts of violence 
• War/terrorism 
• Sexual assault

Severe traumatic experiences can cause a condition known as post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. According to the National Institute for Mental Health (NIHM), PTSD is a condition that develops in some people who have experienced (or witnessed) a shocking, frightening, or dangerous event.

When traumatic events recur, like physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, it is known as complex trauma. The stress of complex trauma can negatively affect your relationships, work life, and physical health. 

Trauma is not just about the traumatic event that occurred but rather the response to it. There can be a sense of helplessness when seeing your loved ones deal with trauma. If you or someone you know has experienced trauma, listed below are some ways that you can receive and offer help. 

How can I help someone who is suffering from trauma?

After experiencing a traumatic event, you may have different emotional responses.

Some of the more common responses to trauma are:

• Dreams (more often a common theme from the event or associated feelings)
• Memories 
• Flashbacks (physically/mentally reliving the event)
• Increased feelings of anxiousness
• Self-blame/blaming others for the event
• Avoiding things that remind you of trauma (places/people)
• Difficulty concentrating
• Disassociating (withdrawn, shut down)
• Sleep disturbances 
• Difficulty feeling happiness
• Fatigue
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed hobbies/activities
• Weight loss or gain
• Self-harm (cutting)
• Self-destructive or reckless behavior (increase in behaviors not otherwise common)

In addition to the emotional/psychological impact of trauma, a study by Canady (2020) reported that complex trauma exposure can cause biological aging (the gradual deterioration of cells) and cellular aging changes in brain structure.

A trigger for someone who has experienced a traumatic event can be anything that reminds the person of the event and results in an emotional response or PTSD symptom. 

Triggers can be a physical place, a person (even people indirectly associated with the event), a thing (sensory stimuli like a particular sound or smell), or a situation (like misplacing your keys or waiting in a line). 

Sometimes triggers can be intense, setting off a flashback where your loved one relives the event with images and physical symptoms. Triggers may not always be evident to others as triggers may also be internal experiences occurring within the person (like emotional/physical discomfort).

It can be difficult to see your loved one experiencing the effects of trauma. Not knowing how to help them can interfere with providing the much-needed social support that family and friends can provide. 

Whether the person affected by trauma is a spouse/partner, family member, or friend equipping yourself with the correct information can be the first step to helping your loved one. 

Below is a list of 7 tips to help support your loved one after a traumatic event. 

1. Get Informed 

Although the vast amount of information can feel overwhelming, the first step in helping your loved one is to get informed about trauma. A general understanding of trauma and how it can impact lives can go a long way in helping your loved one.

While you don’t need to know everything about trauma to help your loved one, you must be informed. There are considerable resources on trauma available online. Be sure they are from trusted professional sources. 

2. Support them by listening 

Try to support your loved one with active listening. Active listening is less about responding and more about attentively focusing on what is shared. Listening to your loved one without judgment or pressure can go a long way.

3. Support their need for space  

After a traumatic event, it is common to feel a loss in the sense of safety. They might feel anxious and be on guard. Be mindful of respecting their personal space. Avoid touching, like giving hugs without their expressed permission. 

4. Support them by being present 

By being present without any expectations, you can offer support and be attentive to any emotional/behavioral changes in your loved one. This also allows you to learn their triggers (if any) and allow space for their pain.

5. Be patient 

Initially, a person might not know what they need after a traumatic event. Don’t assume to know what the person needs. If unsure, it is best to ask. An excellent way to be supportive is to practice being patient. 

6. Offer help with routine tasks. 

Being supportive can extend past talking. Another common symptom of PTSD is difficulty concentrating. Offer help with daily tasks like preparing meals, shopping, or cleaning. 

7. Practice self-care 

Maintaining your wellness and self-care practices while supporting your loved one’s needs is essential. Trauma affects the person involved in the traumatic event, but the impact can extend to loved ones. 

Secondary trauma is when you are experiencing emotional distress from witnessing or having knowledge of a loved one’s traumatic event. It is important to remember to look after yourself while caring for others.

What to say (and not express) while helping someone with trauma. 

While you may have good intentions, sometimes specific comments can hurt more than help. 

Provided are some suggestions of what to say and avoid when talking with someone who has experienced trauma. 

You’re not expected to say everything perfectly. Remember to be calm. The goal is to support your loved one by reassuring safety and trust. 

Some helpful suggestions on what to say are

• “I’m here for you.”
• “How can I help you right now?”
• “Thank you for trusting me to share this.”
• “I believe you” or “I believe in you.”
• “I am here to listen.”
• “You are loved.”

Consider avoiding the following phases or comments.

• Dismissive comments like “It wasn’t that bad” or “just move on.”
• “You’re lucky” “Look on the bright side, or it could have been worse.”
• Avoid making assumptions, statements like “I know how you feel” or “It’s in your head.”
• Judgmental statements “You shouldn’t have done that” or “You shouldn’t be angry.”

How to help your loved one get help. 

It might be challenging to see your loved one deal with trauma. You might feel it is your job to take their pain away or “cure” them. Although this isn’t the case, your loved one might

benefit from seeking mental health support. 

Some people who experience trauma symptoms can resolve them independently with little intervention. While the emotional responses noted above are typical, If they continue or increase for longer than a couple of months after the traumatic event, it might be time for help from a trauma-informed therapist.  

Therapy with a trauma-informed therapist is essential for someone experiencing PTSD or symptoms from a traumatic event. The trauma-informed therapist has a specialized skill set and approach to therapy. 

Some approaches or modalities shown to have the most promise with people who have experienced trauma include 

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)/trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT), 
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), as well as 
• Holistic practices like mindfulness, meditation, and yoga. Currently, research supports the use of a holistic approach to trauma. 

Lee et al. (2021) indicated that meditation promoted emotional regulation. This pathway started with increased awareness of their emotions, involved accepting and letting go of their feelings, and ended with emotional growth and improved self-regulation. 

Gulden et al. (2016) study indicated that yoga might be helpful in regaining mental and physical health, foster wellbeing, relieve trauma-related symptoms, and cultivate personal growth after interpersonal trauma.

Next steps

While you or someone you know may have experienced a traumatic event, support and early interventions can significantly reduce the progression of adverse symptoms.  

It is essential to learn about trauma/PTSD to understand why it happens, how it is treated, and what you can do to help. Dealing with trauma and the shifts in family life is stressful. Remembering to care for yourself makes showing up fully for loved ones easier. 

Listed below is additional information on trauma and some helpful support resources.

Resources

PTSD Treatment: Information for Patients and Families

NIMH » Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Disasters and Other Traumatic Events: What Parents, Rescue Workers, and the Community Can Do

Support groups can be an excellent resource for those who have experienced trauma and their loved ones.

Safe Support Groups | CPTSDfoundation.org

Trauma Survivors Network | Peer Support Groups

Find Support Groups | Mental Health America

Resources to find a trauma-informed therapist: 

Psych Central’s Find a Therapist resource 

The American Psychological Association psychologist locator 

PTSD Family Coach

Find A Therapist – International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation

Find A Therapist Directory – Anxiety and Depression Association of America

References

Canady, V.A. (2020), Experiencing childhood trauma ages body, brain faster. Mental Health Weekly, 30: 7-8.

Freedman, S. A. (2019). Psychological interventions to prevent PTSD. Psychiatric Annals, 49(7), 314–319. 

Gulden, A. W., & Jennings, L. (2016). How Yoga Helps Heal Interpersonal Trauma: Perspectives and Themes from 11 Interpersonal Trauma Survivors. International Journal of Yoga Therapy, 26(1), 21–31.

Kilpatrick, D. G., Resnick, H. S., Milanak, M. E., Miller, M. W., Keyes, K. M., & Friedman, M. J. (2013). National estimates of exposure to traumatic events and PTSD prevalence using DSM-IV and DSM-5 criteria. Journal of traumatic stress, 26(5), 537–547. 

Kilpatrick, D. G., Badour, C. L., & Resnick, H. S. (2017). Trauma and posttraumatic stress disorder prevalence and sociodemographic characteristics. In S. N. Gold (Ed.), APA handbook of trauma psychology: Foundations in knowledge., Vol. 1. (pp. 63–85). American Psychological Association.

Lee, M. Y., Eads, R., & Hoffman, J. (2021). “I Felt It, and I Let It Go”: Perspectives on Meditation and Emotional Regulation among Female Survivors of Interpersonal Trauma with Co-occurring Disorders.  Journal of Family Violence, 1. 

Saifan, D., Kataoka, S., & Chorpita, B. F. (2021). Traumatic Stress as a Treatment Priority: Its Prevalence and Impact on Children’s Mental Health Services. Child & Family Behavior Therapy, 43(3), 133–160.